G is for...

Not much, actually, so this may be brief. This is probably a good thing, as I have tons of other stuff I should be doing; revision for a pharmacology exam, an assignment on a topic of my own choosing (which is sadly exciting - yes I'm easily pleased), a fanfic to finish and a dissertation topic to find. Some of them are much more appealing than others, but it makes me tired just thinking about it all. And given that I've been surrounded by people coughing and spluttering inconsiderately in my direction, I think it's safe to say that my sniffles and headache are the beginning of an impending cold. Bah.

Anyway, onwards with G. I really couldn't think up much for it, so am open to adding a few extras if people want to make suggestions.

Gardens

Our unit has a few courtyards which are mostly used for smoking, hiding contraband in and, in the case of one patient, locating insects for use as a nutritious snack. Some of the courtyards have bits of grass and some plants. One of them has been turned into an allotment, thus we grow our own veg for patient cooking sessions and to sell to staff at christmas (big bag of mixed veg for a quid, bargain*). We also have ducks, chickens and a variety of small furry creatures which get used as a kind of 'pet therapy' and way of encouraging responsibility in people. I should probably add, maintenence of the allotment is on a voluntary basis; we don't make patients work the fields anymore. Maybe when the Tories get back in, who knows.

*Money goes back into buying stuff for the allotment, despite the staff's sneaky efforts to take a cut; patients may not be out there in all weather compulsorily, but the staff pretty much are. The unit did buy us some one-size-fits-none all waterproof jackets though, so now I am expected to try and supervise the collection of eggs whilst fighting to see out from underneath my massive, massive hood.

Guilt

Is a strange thing in secure services. We spend half our time helping some patients to feel less guilty about what they did, and the other half trying to make the rest feel any guilt at all. Some patients will never feel guilty about their actions, and so are very unlikely to ever get out given that an absence of empathy for their victims is a pretty good indicator of recidivism. If they're clever, they'll learn to fake it. Those are the scary ones.


Ground Leave

What you have when you are allowed out of the building but have to stay in the hospital grounds. It's about as exciting as it sounds. There is a map stuck on the office wall with the perimeter marked and the suggested route for walking round it. It takes about 15 minutes, so you can usually do two laps in your half-hour leave, which some people do. Others just head straight to the rec hall to get a cup of scalding yet watery 'tea'; at least , when it's open, as it's staffed by volunteers so the actual opening hours are incredibly variable. If you fancy a gentle introduction to mental health services, see if your local hospital needs volunteers in the patients cafe*; you will quickly find out if you are cut out for working with mentals and will meet some very interesting people. You will also see lots of staff hanging around; usually all sitting at a table with staff from other wards, trying to hide their radios** and look unobtrusive whilst they watch to make sure their patients don't do a runner/buy any drugs/hurl their tea-flavoured water at anyone. You will also see them turn a blind eye when said patients sneak outside for a cigarette (banned on hospital grounds)....until a known 'grass' walks in and they suddenly wrestle the fag out of their hands and start pretending they'd only just noticed they were smoking. Letting your patient smoke in the grounds is a disciplinary offence. Which personally, I think is pathetic. But I'll save that rant for when I get to 'S is for smoking'.

*Patients cafe= cheaper than staff cafe. It's not a segregartion thing; if patients fancy paying extortionate prices for the same food they get served on the ward then they are welcome in the staff cafe.

**Staff escorting patients in the grounds take walkie-talkies. Each ward has a security call sign and staff have to 'radio in' periodically to let control know they are alive and unmolested. If they radio that they need help, control will gather a respose team and send them out to assist. That is, if they can find you. And if it's not raining. Or snowing. Or a bit windy.