Saturday lightheartedness...

A meme stolen from Aethelread

My mother once threatened to throw a woman out of a pub window. I think I know where I get my temper.

Never in my life have I seen the attraction in ‘gorn’. Saw, Hostel etc just make me sick.

When I was five I used to make my toy dinosaurs eat my sisters Barbies. I still would, too.

High school was/ is something I’m quite glad I never experienced, if TV is anything to go by.

I will never forget the sight of a man with a cold eating his used tissue. Ever.

I once met Jet and Hunter from Gladiators. Oh yes.

There’s this person I know who makes me want to hurt them every time they open their mouth.

Once, at a bar, I stole an ashtray. I don’t even smoke. What can I say, I’m a REBEL.

By noon I’m usually contemplating getting dressed. Or wishing I’d phoned in sick at work.

Last night I dreamt one of my lecturers was selling chocolates from a tent in the grounds of a local park. I got annoyed because she didn’t put enough chocolates in my box. Anyone care to interpret?

If only I had more.

Next time I go to church/ temple it will probably be whilst escorting a patient.

Terri Schiavo is my idea of a living hell.

I like sleep.

When I turn my head left, I see a wall with one of Mr Door’s pictures on it.

When I turn my head right, I see a room that is an appalling mess.

You know I’m lying when I say 'I respect what you’re saying, but…' I don’t.

In junior school I was ‘quiet and conscientious’ on every single report.

If I was a character written by Shakespeare I wouldn’t understand a word anyone was saying.

By this time next year I will be a nurse. Holy fuckin’ shit.

A better name for me would be anything other than what it is. I hate my name, much to my mothers distress. My middle one isn’t any better either.

I have a hard time understanding the motivations of my classmates. Why are you on this course?

If I ever go back to school I won’t be surprised. I quite fancy getting a PhD. Just so I can be a doctor-nurse.

You know I like you if I voluntarily make conversation with you. Sitting with me in awkward silence? Yeah, I hate you.

If I won an award the first person I’d thank would be Our Dark Lord Lucifer. Just for the entertainment value.

I hope that lots of good things happen. Although I’ll settle for an absence of bad things.

Take my advice. I dare you.

My ideal breakfast is a cup of tea and a kitkat.

A song I love but do not have is unimaginable, thanks to t’interweb.

If you visit my hometown, I suggest body armor and some sort of semi-
automatic weapon.

Tulips, character flaws, microchips and track stars, that’s what little girls are made of.

Why won’t anyone make Aethelread the supreme ruler of the universe? He’d be good at it.

If you spend the night at my house you will likely leave with pneumonia from the damp.

I’d stop my wedding as soon as my dad gets drunk and throws a punch.

The world could do without all Saturday night reality TV.

I’d rather lick the belly of a roach than watch the X Factor.

My favourite thing is Mr Door. And my TV.

Paperclips are more useful than 98.4% of everyone.

And by the way, you’re standing on my foot.

The last time I was (really) drunk I vomited yellow bile stuff.

My grandmother always laid on the best guilt trips.