Facebook as therapy

Aethelread has done a very interesting post about Twitter and it got me thinking...about Facebook. Of course.

In my real life, I am on Facebook. I don't have many friends. (Altogether now...awww....) It's my own fault; I'm an antisocial bitch. I'm comfortable with that. Plus, my sense of humour tends to scare away a lot of potential friends, being as it tends towards the, erm, dark side.

However, like most people, I have many more Facebook friends than I do 'real' friends. I have not gotten as far as adding every person I've every met yet, but a lot of them are 'work' friends, or people I went to school with 15 years ago and about whom I am sufficiently nosey enough to warrant accepting a friend request. Facebook is primarily a tool by which I stalk people.

Despite this, being on Facebook has resulted in one of the greatest improvements to my mental health since the time I got prescribed diazepam. I'll explain.

I have an overdeveloped sense of guilt. I feel guilty over everything. In work, it means I am ridiculously conscientious; if I say I'm going to do something, I have to do it or I suffer for it. I lie awake at night feeling sick. It's a bit much, really, and not very healthy, particularly given the unpredictable nature of the job which means that sometimes, you just can't get everything done. I end up begging the next shift to please, make sure you do this, because I said I would and I don't want to let anyone down. Anyway. The guilt thing crosses over to my personal life. If I upset someone (which I do, because of the bitch bit), I feel bad about it. Like, forever. I still feel bad over stuff that happened 15 years ago. Particularly with Boys, some of whom I was frankly evil to during my youthful exploits. Which is where Facebook comes in.

I used to have horribly sleepless nights over my exes. I would lie awake going over all the awful things I had ever said or done to them...over and over again. I even felt bad about the ones who I had actually not done anything wrong to; my most significant relationship pre-Mr Door was a bloke I just fell out of love with, but who took it very hard when we split. I heard on the grapevine that he was pretty messed up over it. God knows why, since I was hardly up for any girlfriend of the year awards. Anyway, a few months ago my sister added him on Facebook, and in a drunken haze of bravery I added him too. He accepted, we exchanged pleasantries and I suddenly started sleeping much better. Likewise the ex before that. It's amazing how much of my anxiety was tied up in feeling shit over past relationships, and how quickly it abated when I realised that (a) I didn't break them and (b) they don't completely hate me. Of course, there are still a couple (literally; I'm not a complete whore) who aren't on Facebook, but I feel much better for it.

And it had less of a waiting list than CBT, anyway.